My dad didn’t come home that night. I think he came by very early in the morning just to pick up his briefcase and change his clothes.
I slept fitfully and longer than I usually do. I really needed to go downtown and see Jonah, but he was in class. I didn’t have class until 11:15 a.m. I had hours to kill and nothing to do.
I put a coat on and climbed up on the highest ledge of my dad’s back porch outside. I settled against the brick wall, squinting into the glare, feeling the cold seep through my clothes and into my skin. My mind drifted.
………………………
“I have to move out,” I told Jonah.
He didn’t say anything. A wisp of smoke slipped out his mouth and twisted itself up in the air before dissipating.
It was around six a.m. Jonah and I were sitting on the roof of the abandoned building downtown. He was smoking. I was picking at my nails.
I was tired and I wanted to sleep, but every time I closed my eyes, my head would pound with all the noise and chaos of my life. So I opened my eyes. And I couldn’t sleep.
I spied a torn condom wrapper and kicked at it. Ew. I considered standing up, but I was too tired to move. It was a wonder I was even able to make it up here in the first place.
The wind shifted, sending Jonah’s smoke in my direction. I don’t think he even noticed. I didn’t really care. I just sat there. And I thought about how this felt like our place. Like we were the only people who ever came up here. But we weren’t, I knew we weren’t, I had always known we weren’t. I guess it’s because I’d never seen anyone else up here. Then again, this wasn’t a very popular place early in the morning. This place was more popular with night people, and usually on the weekends.
“So,” he said finally. “Is Joy kicking you out?”
“No,” I said.
“Oh.”
“I just . . .” I shrugged. “I can’t stand it anymore.” My voice was flat. I knew what I was talking about, but I couldn’t feel it.
Jonah nodded. “So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“I see.”
“I haven’t even told her I’m moving out yet.”
“That’s probably a good idea.”
Labels: january brings few faces
